Safe in Christ

"Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of His saints."  --Psalm 116:15

I want to write this all down so I don't forget.  Right now it's hard.  It's feeling thankfulness and sorrow at the same time.  I don't like death.  It doesn't seem natural.  Such grief.  Such upheaval.  I am so reminded of the ugliness of the curse.  Sin has made it this way.  At the same time I am ever so grateful to the Lord Jesus Christ.  He came and died and conquered the worst of all enemies--because he loved us.  Along with the great pain and separation of death comes hope as well.

This past Sunday, (was it really only yesterday???) we got reports that grandma was not doing well.  Mom and dad were going to stay with her instead of going to church that morning.  That in itself was a HUGE indicator that things were not good.  I told Dan that we ought to go visit her right after church.  He agreed.  We told our kids that they would not go to Sunday school or catechism.  Right after services we would go see grandma/great grandma.

I wept much of the service.  Right after church we piled into the van and went to Norwood.  We rode up the elevator and went straight to her room.  She was awake and commented immediately on Paul's hat.  You see, Norm had bought Paul a big cowboy hat for his birthday.  Soon more family from church came in.  We noticed grandma was very tired so I mentioned to Dan that we should say good-bye now.

I told the kids to go hug grandma.  Each in turn went to hug her.  Grandma had words for every child.  Eric went to hug here and she said, "You're getting to be such a big strong boy."  Eric responded, "Thank-you.  We're going to miss you."  Grandma says, "I love you."  Eric responds, "I love you too great grandma."

Lindsay actually went in twice.  at first Lindsay gave her a big hug and said, "Bye great grandma.  It was nice seeing you!"  Grandma responded, "Bye Lindsay.  It was nice seeing you too!"  Later Lindsay went in again and said, "Bye great grandma.  I really love you."  Grandma responded, "I love you too."

Seth could not reach grandma in the bed, so grandma leaned over towards Seth and held his face in her 2 hands and said, "I love you Seth."  Seth gave grandma his super sweet million dollar smile. 

We lifted Courtney to grandma and Courtney gave grandma a huge hug.  Being 2 and sometimes difficult, I am so thankful Courtney hugged her back.  Grandma smiled at Courtney and said, "I love you Courtney."

To Paul, she also replied, "I love you Paul," as he held him close.  Paul replied by saying, 'I love you too great grandma."  She truly made a big deal of his new hat.

Then it was my turn.  I held her for a long time.  I held her tight.  I said, "I love  you so much grandma."  She responded, "I love you so much too.  You're a good mom Anita."  I clung to her a little longer, stroked her cheek, gave one last squeeze and left the room in tears.

Finally Dan held her.  She told him, "I'm going to be with the Lord very soon now.  I love you all."  before she had always said "The Lord must still have a task for me to do."  This comment was notably different.  "Dan replied, "I love you too grandma."  And then we left.  We were very visibly shaken.

I walked around Sunday afternoon in a stupor.  No one cared that I fed them, leftovers for lunch.  By mid-afternoon I asked Dan if it was alright if I went back to see grandma that evening to see her.  And so I did.  Only my in-laws were there that evening.  I had my bible in hand, but I just sat and watched her sleep for an hour.  It just seemed fitting to watch her and I was content to do so.  Just over an hour later I left.

The next morning my mother-in-law called and told us that grandma had taken a turn for the worse.  She told me that grandma had mentioned my name that morning--she knew I was there the night before.  this brought me much comfort.  Dan went up to see her that morning.  As she saw him she said his name.  Dan."  He held her hand.  He stayed with family in grandma's room all morning.  The minister came by and read a passage--Romans 8.  After he read he asked grandma if she was able to hear what he read.  She responded by saying, "Every word."  That's grandma!

She's in heaven now :-) I was there tonight when she died. There were 13 of us there. She just lay peacefully in bed. We all took turns sitting by her head, holding her hand and speaking to her. Mom figured we were about 10-12 hours from death yet. I think many of us were praying that it would come much sooner. I brought my bible and James read several Psalms. A little more time passed and we noticed her hands becoming discolored. Her breathing suddenly became very shallow. At about 8:30 we all stood around her bedside and sang Psalm 23. I must admit, we were not the most beautiful sounding choir with all our sniffling and cracked voices. But as we sang in our imperfectness, she rose to glory.  She's listening to a much better choir now.  We're all relieved she is in heaven. We know she is there.  She was Christ's.   Amidst the pain of death it is precious knowing that Christ loved us enough to come and die for us that we might have hope.  We know the sting has been taken out of death. We know but it is still SO hard. Death is such an ugly thing--it's such an awful part of the curse.  But there is hope even around a deathbed. 

To God alone be the glory.