Flowers

Yesterday I bought myself some pretty flowers.  They are fake, but quite frankly, that's the way I like them.  They will last a long time.  Lindsay came with me last night and helped me pick them out.  She pointed out that I needed a little pink with the purple and yellow I had in my hands.  that girl knows her stuff!  Next she told me that I should put them in a yellow vase (rather than the blue one I had in my hands) since the yellow vase complimented the yellow flowers.  Again, she was right.  But it's pretty and I really like them and they color up the room beautifully. 





Tape, Fat Lips, and Manure Piles

Well, it's high time I highlighted some of the shenanigans that my hooligans have been up to lately.....

Paul and Seth....





















Paul was out looking for a roll of tape. 
Seth was sitting on the can in the bathroom doing his 'business'.
Paul decided that the top shelf in the bathroom was a possible location for the tape.
Seth continued to 'do his business.'
Paul climbed up to the top shelf.
Seth just sat there.
Paul slipped and sent the entire top shelf hurtling down on his poor unsuspecting brother.
Seth took a piece of the shelf right in the lip and bled profusely.
Paul never did find the tape.
Seth learned that it's possible to get a fat lip just by sitting on the can and doing your 'business.'


Later that day...
I entered the boys' room to discover that there are clothes (clean and dirty) piled in an enormous heap on their bedroom floor.  Upon inquiry I discover that the boys have built a farm and of course they needed to have a manure pile.  Hence the pile of clothes served as just that.

Safe in Christ

"Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of His saints."  --Psalm 116:15

I want to write this all down so I don't forget.  Right now it's hard.  It's feeling thankfulness and sorrow at the same time.  I don't like death.  It doesn't seem natural.  Such grief.  Such upheaval.  I am so reminded of the ugliness of the curse.  Sin has made it this way.  At the same time I am ever so grateful to the Lord Jesus Christ.  He came and died and conquered the worst of all enemies--because he loved us.  Along with the great pain and separation of death comes hope as well.

This past Sunday, (was it really only yesterday???) we got reports that grandma was not doing well.  Mom and dad were going to stay with her instead of going to church that morning.  That in itself was a HUGE indicator that things were not good.  I told Dan that we ought to go visit her right after church.  He agreed.  We told our kids that they would not go to Sunday school or catechism.  Right after services we would go see grandma/great grandma.

I wept much of the service.  Right after church we piled into the van and went to Norwood.  We rode up the elevator and went straight to her room.  She was awake and commented immediately on Paul's hat.  You see, Norm had bought Paul a big cowboy hat for his birthday.  Soon more family from church came in.  We noticed grandma was very tired so I mentioned to Dan that we should say good-bye now.

I told the kids to go hug grandma.  Each in turn went to hug her.  Grandma had words for every child.  Eric went to hug here and she said, "You're getting to be such a big strong boy."  Eric responded, "Thank-you.  We're going to miss you."  Grandma says, "I love you."  Eric responds, "I love you too great grandma."

Lindsay actually went in twice.  at first Lindsay gave her a big hug and said, "Bye great grandma.  It was nice seeing you!"  Grandma responded, "Bye Lindsay.  It was nice seeing you too!"  Later Lindsay went in again and said, "Bye great grandma.  I really love you."  Grandma responded, "I love you too."

Seth could not reach grandma in the bed, so grandma leaned over towards Seth and held his face in her 2 hands and said, "I love you Seth."  Seth gave grandma his super sweet million dollar smile. 

We lifted Courtney to grandma and Courtney gave grandma a huge hug.  Being 2 and sometimes difficult, I am so thankful Courtney hugged her back.  Grandma smiled at Courtney and said, "I love you Courtney."

To Paul, she also replied, "I love you Paul," as he held him close.  Paul replied by saying, 'I love you too great grandma."  She truly made a big deal of his new hat.

Then it was my turn.  I held her for a long time.  I held her tight.  I said, "I love  you so much grandma."  She responded, "I love you so much too.  You're a good mom Anita."  I clung to her a little longer, stroked her cheek, gave one last squeeze and left the room in tears.

Finally Dan held her.  She told him, "I'm going to be with the Lord very soon now.  I love you all."  before she had always said "The Lord must still have a task for me to do."  This comment was notably different.  "Dan replied, "I love you too grandma."  And then we left.  We were very visibly shaken.

I walked around Sunday afternoon in a stupor.  No one cared that I fed them, leftovers for lunch.  By mid-afternoon I asked Dan if it was alright if I went back to see grandma that evening to see her.  And so I did.  Only my in-laws were there that evening.  I had my bible in hand, but I just sat and watched her sleep for an hour.  It just seemed fitting to watch her and I was content to do so.  Just over an hour later I left.

The next morning my mother-in-law called and told us that grandma had taken a turn for the worse.  She told me that grandma had mentioned my name that morning--she knew I was there the night before.  this brought me much comfort.  Dan went up to see her that morning.  As she saw him she said his name.  Dan."  He held her hand.  He stayed with family in grandma's room all morning.  The minister came by and read a passage--Romans 8.  After he read he asked grandma if she was able to hear what he read.  She responded by saying, "Every word."  That's grandma!

She's in heaven now :-) I was there tonight when she died. There were 13 of us there. She just lay peacefully in bed. We all took turns sitting by her head, holding her hand and speaking to her. Mom figured we were about 10-12 hours from death yet. I think many of us were praying that it would come much sooner. I brought my bible and James read several Psalms. A little more time passed and we noticed her hands becoming discolored. Her breathing suddenly became very shallow. At about 8:30 we all stood around her bedside and sang Psalm 23. I must admit, we were not the most beautiful sounding choir with all our sniffling and cracked voices. But as we sang in our imperfectness, she rose to glory.  She's listening to a much better choir now.  We're all relieved she is in heaven. We know she is there.  She was Christ's.   Amidst the pain of death it is precious knowing that Christ loved us enough to come and die for us that we might have hope.  We know the sting has been taken out of death. We know but it is still SO hard. Death is such an ugly thing--it's such an awful part of the curse.  But there is hope even around a deathbed. 

To God alone be the glory.

Times don't Change Too Much...

 As often happens when you have several children, you pull out the next box of clothes and find some pieces that bring back memories.  Here is a blue dress that my mom made for Lindsay several years ago.  It now fits Courtney.  And even the pose is the same--sitting on the table (albeit different houses) pig tails and a toy cell phone in hand.

 

COURTNEY

 

 

LINDSAY

Works-Driven

Last Sunday wasn't a pretty Sunday for me.  The bedrooms were quite messy.  The kitchen floor never got swept.  We went to church and the kids were SO bad during the service.  By evening service I totally snapped.  I was so angry.  So disappointed in my children and most of all myself.  Wave after wave of that old fashioned mom guilt washed over me and I was drowning in the self pity.  I was slammed pretty hard with the realization of my inadequacy.

The mind has a way of making you mull over events of recent weeks and months.  And my mind really had no problem coming up with loads of accusatory remarks.

"Your daughter barely knew her piano lesson."
"You told the kids you'd find them an art project to do last week."
"Your husband has been asking for a scrub brush for the barn for weeks now.
"Your son didn't know his catechism."
"You spend WAY too much money on food."
"The kids don't listen to you."
"You didn't read your little girl a story."
"You're behind in school."
"Hot dogs are not a healthy lunch!"
"You were supposed to call __________ today."

And on and on it goes.  But the point I'm trying to make is, if I had done ALL those things perfectly...if I had done EVERYTHING I needed to do and the house was all immaculate and clean and my kids obeyed perfectly, and my husband would have all the help he needs outside--I daresay I would be awfully proud of myself.  I think I would deserve that pat on the back.  I would want recognition.  In short, I would be putting faith in my own deeds.

As a mom, I fall in this pit all the time.  If I can do everything, I am a good mom.  I've attained Proverbs 31 status.  If I don't get it all done I am a bad mom.  I deserve shame.  Do you see what I am doing?  I am looking at my own works.  I am being driven to grant myself a title or feeling of self-worth by what I do. 

Hasn't Christ already done the work?  Those precious words on the cross, "It is finished," were they not for me as well?  As I heap worth or shame upon myself based on my own actions during the week am I not cheapening grace--trampling the blood of Christ...adding to the Scriptures the requirements for justification?  And what do I think I can inflict upon myself that God would deem 'worthy'? 

As Goodwin so wonderfully put it:
"Will the Lord be pleased with rivers of oil?  nay, with thy firstborn of thy body for the sin of thy soul?  There is no proportion.....  And as not rivers of oil, so nor rivers of tears, which (as all other actions that come from us) are defiled, and become but as puddle water."
         --From "Of Christ the Mediator," The Works of Thomas Goodwin, Vol.5, pg 17

You know, this is one of those times where I've been corrected and am so very, very thankful for it.  I'm am so relieved that I do not have to rely on my pathetic works, because really, they stink.  My conscience, my children, my work that I do and have failed to do have completely convicted me of that.  It's time to stop deriving my identity from my works and start looking heavenward.

Ah the lessons that need to be learned as we walk as pilgrims on this earth.  This is one I will probably have to relearn.  May the Lord alone receive all honor and glory.

A Thematic Explanation for our Typical School Distractions