It's really rather amazing...you see, I have the ability to see how many people read my posts. I have hit a huge spike in readers since my last post. Normally about 5 different people check my blog everyday. That's an average. Sometimes it's less, sometimes it's more. What amazed me was after I wrote my very 'raw' post about my frustrations of being a mom my reader numbers spiked to a shocking 50 hits in 1 day.
I could've easily taken that post down. it's not very flattering--not for me or my kids. But the main reason I left that post up was to prove that I don't want to be a fake. It's easy to hide behind a carefully crafted online identity. I want to avoid that. We have good days and bad days here--plenty of both. There are days when I love my kids to bits and days I really can't stand the sight of them. I'm not saying that's Ok, but I'm still struggling through this process of sanctification. Often it seems there is a type of disconnect between by head and my heart some days. My head has a lot more of the answers than my heart does. For example, I know it's wrong to fly off the handle, but that's exactly how I react to certain situations. I have plenty of maturing to do yet.
I want to thank those of you who contacted me since the last post. Your words were encouraging. We've had a much better day today. But I think the real test will come next Sunday as I sit in church and deal once again with all those little distractions. Oh, how full of grace will I be towards these little ones of mine? Will I remember that these little ones also belong to Christ and His church?
All mothers have been there. Still in my old age, when annoyed, I lash out and yell things that were better left not thought, never mind uttered!!!! I remember my mother telling some lady that visited her that there were times when she hated me....I knew only too well why, but I also knew, it was momentary and that she actually loved me. Your children also know that. Isn't it wonderful that the Holy Spirit keeps working in us to make us more and more like we should be??...and that we have the assurance of forgiveness when we feel so badly for our actions and we ask Him to forgive us and change our ways???!!!!!!! MOM
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