Frustrations

This is probably the worst of all blog posts to write, and I know I'm completely writing out of frustration.  Every point is going to be skewered.  Every word will probably have a negative slant to it.  And it probably won't end on a higher note either.  Let me say my piece.  Tomorrow will probably be brighter.

Some days I am so sick of parenting.  I've started this whole parenting gig 5 times now.  I'm tired of it.  And I'm frustrated. 

5 kids we've trained in church now and quite frankly, I'm tired of training kids to sit still.  I'm tired of missing sermons.  I'm tired of making sure they sing.  I'm tired of making sure they're facing forward.  I'm tired of dealing with their fidgeting.  I'm tired of looking forward to hearing specific sermons only to have the 2 year old be completely rambunctious in church and you end up disrupting the service and taking them out...again.  Yeah, I'm sure it was a great sermon for those who heard it.  I'm tired of standing up to sing the last song feeling like a crappy parent and just wanting to go home.  I'm tired of leaving church frustrated.  I'm tired of continually telling kids to sit straight in their seats in the van.  On the way home I'm tired of doling out further punishments due to poor behavior in church.  And then I sit in the van for the rest of the trip, overcome with bitterness, knowing full well that it would not bother me at all if I just left them there.  Somewhere along the way the kids never got the memo that mom needs spiritual refreshment too.

Some parents walk around talking about 'this is a blessing, and that is a blessing.'  Things like 'Oh, dirty dishes are a blessing because it shows we have food to eat.  'The toys are everywhere--what a blessing because they show that my kids are healthy.'  BLAH, BLAH, BLAH.  Right now all I see is work, and I haven't the energy or desire to keep up.  I made vows at their baptism that I would teach them so I'll keep plugging.  Really, I haven't any choice.  No one else wants to be raising my kids.  Obviously it's my job and I'll do it.  Just keep plugging...I'm good at that.  Seems like I've had practice doing that all my life.

Ok, ok, I'll stop now.